Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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