Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
