I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
