He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
