FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The best revenge is premature balding
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
