You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
