I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
