I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
