All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
