We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
