Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
