She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
