Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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