the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
