That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
