The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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