While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
