if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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