You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
