Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
