I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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