nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
