I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
