I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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