I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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