I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
