Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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