no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
