bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
