On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
