I'm lost and stupid without you.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
