so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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