I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Less talking, more tequila
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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