dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
