I wanna bring you to show and tell
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
