she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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