so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
