tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
