never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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