I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
