I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
