Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
