I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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