My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
