He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
