Plan B is the new Plan A
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
