he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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