careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
