your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
