Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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