So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
