i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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