so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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